Mother's Thoughts
by Faermage-KH Junkie
Summary: The girl reflects on her daily life as she sits on the roof, having lunch with the boy with the strange name. (DRRR! spoilers; Anri PoV; Stream of Consciousness; Drabble)


Sometimes, it's difficult - being Mother.

She thought about that sometimes, the girl with the demon sword. Thought about the fact that no one else had the strength to hold all of Saika's children. No one else had the strength - because no one else could worry about so many peoples' well-beings. At least, that's what the boy had said, when she had told him of her secret burden. He'd found out from the Black Rider initially, but she had eventually sat him down, and put it in her own words.

Nothing changes. Everything stays the same. This was her daily life.

She told him that. Told him of how gray it had been, how everything had seemed out of focus. She told him she was scared, because she didn't know how to love anyone. Because Saika could love people for her.

But she didn't want Saika to love him.

He had said he understood.

Her children were scattered all over the city. There were some of her children in the Dollars, too - his group. The Dollars were like his children, she thought sometimes. But they were unruly, wild children, full of life and spirit. Not like her children. But, also, in some ways, like her children. Her children would obey their Mother unquestioningly - but she was the only one they would often obey.

It took her a long time to realize how much she loved them all. All Saika's children - her children. She had been afraid once, of holding so many, but Saika's words whispered to her, whispered that it would be okay. Saika loved her children. She would love their children for her.

They were always there, at the back of her mind, those words. That constant, echoing chorus of Saika and her children, a chorus that would drive any lesser human being insane. Once, she had shown it to him, let him hear the flow of words as she had let the other girl, the errant daughter, the false Mother, hear them. He couldn't bear it either - but he hadn't been afraid. He had looked her in the eye and told her how strong she must be, to carry that burden. He had told her that maybe, he could help her carry it - help her just a little. Not with the weight, with the words themselves, but with the bearing of it. She had someone she could share with, without having to bear it all alone anymore.

She liked that.

Saika liked that too.

Through her, Saika could love others. But Saika thought that maybe, she, like all humans, needed to love someone, too.

She had taught Saika restraint. Saika would teach her love again.

After all, she already carried a mother's love for her children. She carried that love like a burden, and she realized how true it was. How much she cared for each and every one of them. She helped them do the right thing, even when they didn't know what that was. Even when they didn't want to. That was what being a mother was all about, right? And with her children, she could do good things for the city. She could make good things happen. It was the same with him, and with his children, the Dollars.

She thought that maybe, the two of them could do good things together. They could make the city a better place, for when the other boy returned.

She asked that, of the boy with the strange name who Saika thought she should love. He thought it was a good idea, too.

They sat on the roof of the school and ate lunch together - they conducted school meetings as class representatives. They did normal things that normal people did.

And then, at night, they planned, she with her children and he with his Dollars.

But what is a 'normal life'? Once she had ordered one of her children to have one, but now she wondered if it was an order even one of her children could follow. A 'normal life', it meant nothing to her. Perhaps all normal people were like her and this boy, living day to day with strange things.

She didn't know - but for once, as she sat on the roof with the boy with the strange name, she realized she maybe didn't have to. They looked at each other. The boy smiled. She knew that they had been thinking the exact same thoughts.

For once, when Anri Sonohara smiled back, it wasn't a lie - it was real. And judging by the look Mikado Ryuugamine gave her back, he knew it.


End file.
